5 Things I've learned about love.

Feb 13, 2015

In the spirit of the sh*tload of ugly glittery hearts and cheap chocolate - really there's nothing worse than cheap chocolate - that is to be landing on us soon, I deciced to talk 'love' today. 'Cause no matter if you loathe or love V-day, the fact is and remains that ignored, it cannot be. But instead of giving you clues on putting together the perfect Valentine's day outfit or handing over a recipe for some red velvet cake of a sort, I'm gonna give you a few of my own findings on how to keep up a happy long-term relationhip (you see I never was a firm believer of occasional dressing nor unnaturally coloured food).

1. Don't go too fast.

When you've just fallen in love, you might want to spend every waking hour with your beau, move in with him after a couple of weeks, and maybe even get married after a couple of months. Because, you know, if it feels so good, why wait? Well, in my belief, no matter how good of match you guys are, there always WILL come a time when you have a moment of doubt about your love, and isn't it better to have those doubts when your lifes are still relatively uninterwined? Moreover, if you decide to stay together anyway, there should be loads of times to do all those things you were dying to do. Taking those big steps with a few years in between, keeps stuff interesting and gives you the opportunity to discover new layers of your love's personality step by step.

2. Never stop talking...

No matter how angy or hurt I sometimes am by my sweet beau's actions, I never don't tell him what's on my mind. Admittedly, sometimes the only things that blurb out when he asks me "What's wrong?" are "I don't know...- sob, sob - everything." But once I've blown my nose, I try to come up with a more coherent answer. A very easy trick that I always use to avoid quarrels when trying to get out of a misunderstanding or disagreement is talking in 'me' or 'I' messages. So instead of just throwing things like "you never listen to anything I say" and "you're acting like an arshole" to his head, say: "It often seems to me that when I'm trying to tell you something that's important to me, you're not really paying attention. I might be wrong, but that's how I experiece it" and "the way you are acting right now is really hurting my feelings". I know, I know, it sounds all very Dr. Phill/Oprah, but if you give it a try, you'll see it really works.
Oh, and also, when you fighting: never use the words 'never' and 'always', cause we all know there are really no such things in life.

3. ...but don't always tell the entire truth either.

Maybe you don't like his mother's cooking, maybe you think one of his best mates is a douchebag, maybe you think it's ridiculous that he spends an hour every morning combing his beard. But you see, you don't always have to tell him. And if you do: be prepared for the fact that he might not like your favourite sister or that he thinks that aranging your books by colour is not slightly neurotic in a cute way, but just completely mental (true story that last one). And if these little anoyancess do come out in the open? Please try to laugh about them and not make 'em a big deal, in the end, we've all got our little quircks, haven't we?

4. Say 'I love you' every day and always give a kiss before you go to sleep.

'Nough said.

5. Start digging that jin and jang stuff.

When I first started dating my beau, I wasn't really sure if we were such a great match. He seemed to be the average village lad, who liked to have a beer with friends and play football on Sunday, whereas I was rather counting the days to get away from that same village and discover a big city life filled with culture, fashion, art and interesting people. But somehow we were attracted to each other. And somehow we discovered that underneath all those differences, our beliefs and ideas about the world, people and relationships were actually quite similar. On top of that I learned from him to take more pleasure in life's little things, and he learned to enjoy a Sunday in the city. Oh, and also the importance of fashionable attire. My point being: accept each others differences and use them to become a better version of yourself.

Et voìla, those were 5 things that I've learned from my relationship in the past (almost) 9 years. If I'd known them from the start they might have saved me some doubts and some tears, so I hope they may be of help to some of you now. Any advice you guys want to share?

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